(a recent devo Tara penned for the ladies at her home church)

I was at a loss as to what I should write about.  My first instinct was to be as relatable as possible.  I asked God, “Should I write my testimony.. how I came to faith in a small church at age 18 during my rebellious and boy-crazy season?... should I write about how you called me to France, God?  Should I write about how you brought me and Trent together?.. Should I write about my current comparison issues or my inferiority complex while learning French on a fluent team?”

The Lord shook his head to all of these things, and I was disappointed since I love to write about myself (and I already have many of these stories documented!  Haha..)

God offered clarity.  He’s caused me to stop and reflect over my nine years of walking with Him.  My faith began with a simple thought: if God exists, I desire to know Him.  After that, however, I went through many seasons of trying to find more: more depth in the Bible, more apologetics so I could debate/defend the faith, more analogies to describe grace, more training in how to witness, more eloquent speeches I could copy somehow, more, more, more.  And as I asked God, “Which is the most important theme to teach about?  Obedience, sacrifice, discipline, worship, persecution, love, evangelism, grace??”  He said very clearly, “the most important thing in your life is.. my presence.”

God’s presence.  So simple.  It was the first thing I learned.  It is the first thing the Bible talks about.  It is what the end-Revelation 22- talks about.  God’s presence IS eternal life.. the Bible says is quite clearly..

“Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” John 17:3.  So clear, so simple, so overlooked.

As I find myself here in France on the ‘mission field’ of three college campuses, I have a hard time accepting that God’s presence is truly more important than fruit.  After all, there are people supporting us to be here, family at home wondering why we left, and God, of course, who called me here.  If I don’t see significant fruit this year, what does that mean?  At this thought, I am tempted to dive into more apologetics on how to reach atheists and put more pressure on our student leaders to perform in some way.

But Jesus spoke directly on this issue.  “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you.’”  Matt 7:22.  This verse is so sharp and shocking, I would rather not see myself in it, but yet I feel conviction.  Clearly without a close walk with God and spending time His presence, all my efforts toward fruit are pointless.  So I should start there every day.  I have not outgrown my need for His presence, nor should I want to!

I can also be tempted to think that it is my job to enter His presence, to pursue Him.  And it is- it is a choice He gives me.  But every year especially around Christmas, I marvel at the fact that this relationship was HIS idea, not ours.  He came..

“For God so loved the world that he gave…” John 3:16.  The fact that we can be in His presence at all is based on Him.  It was He who decided, motivated by great love, to give.

On a personal note, every time I’ve been to France God draws me to this verse: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1:9.  There is something about this verse that makes me strong, especially in a foreign land where I don’t feel quite like myself.  God has moved me to be here, He commands me not to be discouraged (yes, I need that!), and most importantly, He is with me wherever I go.  He and I can conquer any fears, any insecurity, and even any language.  I imagine Him holding my hand throughout the day and even holding me up at times.  The Holy Spirit has given me words, even to groups of French girls staring at me, when I had no words of my own.  Wow.  Not everyone lives like this.  But they could…

He and I are a team.  And He, Trent, and I are “a cord of three strands that is not quickly broken.”  (sidenote… we are doing quite well here.  Our marriage is funny.. I can’t decide which year was harder- our first year of marriage or this first year in France.  I think the highs are higher and the lows are lower than ever.  But, our communication has reached new levels, and we are seeking God together more as well.  We have great community around us who do speak English, though all the married couples are much older, they are a massive blessing.  And we still have you guys!  Thank you for praying!)

The Lord is there.  He is there and he is fully-present.  He literally dwells within us through the Holy Spirit.  What is more important than that?  What Greek word or helpful analogy can trump His actual living presence?

I urge you right now to take a few minutes, close the computer, and just sit in God’s presence and commune with Him.  Getting to know Him better is the key to any problem.  It’s simple, He says, “fix your eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of faith” and.. “Be still, and know I am God!”